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Self compassion seems to turn down the volume on the negative emotions typically associated with egregious mistakes while maintaining a sense of personal responsibility. A 2007 study at Duke University found that "inducing self compassion may decouple the relationship between taking responsibility and experiencing negative affect" Leary, Tate, Allen, Hancock. People who are self compassionate seem to be more accepting of constructive criticism because they have a different mindset regarding personal growth. Self compassionate folks have a growth mindset whereby they are seeking to develop mastery of self. So negative feedback is considered, evaluated objectively and, if found to have merit, acted upon to further self improvement. On the other hand, people who lack self compassion tend to reject constructive criticism outright due to the rush of negative emotions associated with the idea of a flaw in their personal make up. This eliminates the opportunities for growth and learning. Most people are hard on themselves regarding their own shortcomings. Many are self punitive, disparaging and hypercritical of their own mistakes. Unfortunately, this reduces satisfaction with life in the sense that mistakes then lead to anger, regret and disappointment. This increase in destructive emotions makes it more difficult to bounce back and recover quickly from disappointments.

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His bodyguard swept him into the room, but Clay appeared unfettered by this routine. He strolled in smiling and greeting people casually and situated himself at the base of the staircase that led from the hospitality area of the suite to the seats. Once comfortable, Clay s first words wereIt was clear he wanted to spend the entire meet and greet time with us, but we agreed he should have his photograph taken with some of the other charitable souls in the room. We re so generous that way. So we waited. Three feet away. And watched. Halfway through the line, we jumped into the fray. This was it. The moment we had been planning and discussing for the last week. What to say?What to say?What does one say to a man who has honestly and truly impacted one s life in unimaginable ways?Our friends insisted that we tell Clay the tale of how we met on the purple pages.

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But most people were straighter with me. They made it clear that my question was naive, and typical of an American abroad; they had not wondered about the origins of Khan's wealth because they had taken it as a given that he was skimming, like everyone else. A Pakistani parliamentarian made the point that some of the highest positions in the government today are held by people who are not merely corrupt and opportunistic but are the very icons of Pakistani criminalitypeople from families with a known history of murder, extortion, vote rigging, smuggling, and fraud. He had once complained about this to Musharraf, who had advised him to be more realistic: Pakistan, Musharraf had said, is an imperfect society. The parliamentarian shrugged. Even the army is run like a real estate racket, expropriating land from ordinary citizens and passing it on to officers for their personal gain. It is not by chance that Islamabad is a city of mansions, and that many of them are inhabited by retired generals. What was Khan's skimming compared with all that?And unlike the generals, who tended to lose every fight they provoked, Khan had delivered on his words. Still, the idolization was excessive. I went to see another famous Pakistani who had received much of the same. He was Imran Khan, the Oxford educated scion of a wealthy family, who had captained the greatest ever Pakistani cricket team, had led it to multiple victories over the Indians, and in 1992 had capped his athletic career with a World Cup.

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